My Beautiful Girl
by ChaoticHeroine
Summary: A brief look into a few moments of Sarah Manning's life as a mum. Inspired by The Girl by City and Colour. Another attempt to keep myself sane until the Spring.


_I wish I could do better by you/'cause that's what you deserve_

20 year old Sarah Manning rocked back and forth on her bed. It was 3am and the little pink bundle resting on her lap would not go to sleep. Kira had been crying non stop for about 30 minutes, and Sarah had never felt more overwhelmed. She'd changed her, nursed her, rocked her; nothing was working.

"Only five days old and already causing up a Manning fuss, eh monkey?" Sarah said, repositioning the girl onto her chest, the girl curled up against her mother, resting her head on her collarbone. "Shh my love, mummy's doing her best, I swear."

Sarah looked down to the tiny girl, looked into the wide open brown eyes that she knew the girl had gotten from her. "You deserve more than that don'tcha? You deserve the world kiddo "

Sarah wasn't sure if it was the hormones or the lack of sleep, but tears slid town her cheeks. She kissed the fine waves of chocolate colored hair atop the girls head. "I don't deserve you though, beautiful. You are perfect, and I will love you no matter what."

_While I'm off chasing my own dreams/Sailing around the world  
>Please know that I'm yours to keepMy beautiful girl_

She was 27 when she started seeing Vic. He was scum, she knew that., but she didn't feel she deserved much more. For someone who put up as many walls of confidence as she did, she honestly didn't think much of herself. The one perfect thing she ever did-Kira- she was messing up by staying here with him. _Kira_. Her heart ached for that girl. She hasn't seen her in six months. This was the longest they'd been apart. She could almost feel the girls tiny hand in hers. She was abruptly shaken from that thought by another slap from Vic though. She wasn't going to put up with this much longer. She was getting some money and getting away. She needed to get back Kira, do right by her.

_When you cry a piece of my heart dies/Knowing that I may have been the cause  
>If you were to leaveFulfill someone else's dreams/I think I might totally be lost_

"I'll set up a visit, but the only way you will regain custody of Kira is to show me that you can be still." Mrs S. warned.

"You're not her legal guardian. Mine either, anymore." Sarah retorted.

"You can visit. Any other approach, and I will stop lying to social services for you."

"You wouldn't do that to Kira."

"No. I'd do it to you." Mrs S. harsh words stung deep like a vipers snare.

Sarah hated the fact that Mrs S. was right about this though. She should have never left. She should have stayed still, worked through her issues.

But she didn't. She left.

She could only imagine the tears running down her daughters cheeks as she cried herself to sleep. Wondering to herself where mommy went, didn't mommy want me?

Something Sarah had thought her whole life. Something she swore she'd never do. Abandon the one person who was flesh and blood, the one constant connection. She felt so small. She couldn't eff this one up. Not this time. She wanted her girl back.

_One, two, one two three four/I wish I could do better by you/'cause it's what you deserve_

Here she was, standing outside of the girl's school. Every day of the girl's life flashed before Sarah's eyes. Those first months when she had no proof of her existence but two little blue lines and an insatiable appetite for chocolate. Those tiny precious breaths she counted that first night in the hospital when she was born.

All of the firsts. All of the lasts.

The last time they spoke. The last kiss she gave her. The last time she said goodbye.

"Of all the things that scare me right now, Fee, - this one's the heaviest." Sarah said, her voice shaking.

"You know she can't wait - to see you, right?" Felix had reassured her.

"She's the only thing that really matters, you know?"

And then she was there.

Sarah breathed a greeting and got down on the girls level. 

"It's me this time."

"I know."

"God, I missed you so much." She looked at the little girl, she had changed so much since she last saw her. So different. So beautiful. So perfect, and yet so _hers_.

"God, you're so big."

"I'm the smallest kid in my class." The girl responded, her charm and snark a genetic trait it seemed.

_"Here she is Ms. Manning." The nurse placed the bundle of a child on Sarah's chest. _

_She looked down at the tiny, pink,wrinkly thing that was just inside of her hours earlier. She felt overwhelmed. The girl was so tiny. Seven pounds, eleven ounces, head full of curly brown hair._

_"God, I love you monkey."_

Sarah choked back tears and smiled at the young girl.

"Well, you're big to me."

_Please know that I'm yours to keep/My beautiful girl_

_Fin_


End file.
